cthulhu-ate-my-homework:

beastworu:

god is dead and we didn’t even just kill him we completely annihilated him

this is most certainly a sign of the looming apocalypse

cthulhu-ate-my-homework:

beastworu:

god is dead and we didn’t even just kill him we completely annihilated him

this is most certainly a sign of the looming apocalypse

50,370 notes

Reblog if you would date a robot. I’m not a robot I’m just asking for a friend. I have skin.

punlich:

kiloueka:

punlich:

kiloueka:

is it your own skin though? As in you grew it, on your own body, from birth?

This skin was grown yes. On a human body. That is mine. I’m not a robot

Ok ok I’ll believe you… If you first tell me what this says:

image

I don’t need to prove myself to you how dare you, I love breathing oxygen

77,248 notes

corporalcarp:

when you say that you’re going to bed but then you see a thing you want to reblog

image

(Source: kurapiken)

186,646 notes

the-goddamazon:

tohdaryl:

Paranormal investigations can often be intrusive to the dead. Especially when they are having sexy time. 

OMG

the-goddamazon:

tohdaryl:

Paranormal investigations can often be intrusive to the dead. Especially when they are having sexy time. 

OMG

48,698 notes

ajacquelineofalltrades:

Shelley continues to be oh so smart

38 notes

mahzerunners:

being pumped for halloween but tryin to stay professional like

image

121,913 notes

majesticaljeff:

rednecktex:

huffy-lemon:

Favorite story posts part 1

That last one

My dad says the ‘making love in a canoe’ about american beer

(Source: huffylemon)

320,235 notes

scottreacher:

failedhellos:

mysteampunkheart:

lam681:

winmu:

scullylovesqueequeg:

tamtoee:

yeahmicah:

thegirlinthesea:

spookydatrump:

note-inthepages:

Accurate post is accurate.

Reminds me of the time a lady told me whip doesn’t melt. Or a guy yelled at me for not understanding him/hearing him because he kept talking on the phone

Lame

For those in retail.

I worked in a Lil Caesars and a woman came in and wanted a sausage pizza with no sausage, but got mad when she was given a cheese pizza.

So when I worked at fitting room in Old Navy, a woman told me that a medium top was too small, and that the large top was too large. So she asked me to find her an “x-medium”. Old Navy carries x-small, small, medium, large, x-large, 1x, 2x and 3x. There is no “x-medium”. But she insisted, so I went and found her an “x-medium” (which was just a medium in a different color but the same top, same make, same EVERYTHING) and she goes very happily, “THIS! THIS FITS ME PERFECTLY! THANK YOU SO MUCH! See, you can do anything you can set your mind to!”

I’m a waitress at a big fancy resort, and once a woman asked me for a diet water and when I told her there was no such thing she demanded to see my manager (who then also promptly told her there was no such thing and brought her regular water).Another occasion of stupidity occurred when a woman had been brought a steak cooked too much for her liking. I offered to take it back and bring her out a new one, cooked a little less, and she said “NO this one’s fine I just want you to cook THIS one a little less.” I then had to get the chef and have him explain why you can’t UNCOOK a steak.

When I was working at dunkin donuts there was this woman in the drive-thru who asked for a lightly toasted croissant and then started complaining that the croissant was warm. And wanted her money back, so she gave me the croissant back and I gave her the money and then she tells me “now i want my new croissant” she wanted a new one for free and as she was screaming at me this guy in a biker gang covered in tattoos leans over the counter in the store and yells “ma’am let me just tell you what we’re all thinking. fuck off, you stupid ****.” I couldn’t stop laughing and she drove away in anger.

Most of the people like in the stories above know that they’re being totally irrational, but also know that if they complain enough they’ll most likely get something free or discounted. So really most of the the nonsensical fucks are actually just cheap fucks with no shame or respect for people.

That last bit of commentary though.

Well then…

scottreacher:

failedhellos:

mysteampunkheart:

lam681:

winmu:

scullylovesqueequeg:

tamtoee:

yeahmicah:

thegirlinthesea:

spookydatrump:

note-inthepages:

Accurate post is accurate.

Reminds me of the time a lady told me whip doesn’t melt. Or a guy yelled at me for not understanding him/hearing him because he kept talking on the phone

Lame

For those in retail.

I worked in a Lil Caesars and a woman came in and wanted a sausage pizza with no sausage, but got mad when she was given a cheese pizza.

So when I worked at fitting room in Old Navy, a woman told me that a medium top was too small, and that the large top was too large. So she asked me to find her an “x-medium”. Old Navy carries x-small, small, medium, large, x-large, 1x, 2x and 3x. There is no “x-medium”. But she insisted, so I went and found her an “x-medium” (which was just a medium in a different color but the same top, same make, same EVERYTHING) and she goes very happily, “THIS! THIS FITS ME PERFECTLY! THANK YOU SO MUCH! See, you can do anything you can set your mind to!”

I’m a waitress at a big fancy resort, and once a woman asked me for a diet water and when I told her there was no such thing she demanded to see my manager (who then also promptly told her there was no such thing and brought her regular water).
Another occasion of stupidity occurred when a woman had been brought a steak cooked too much for her liking. I offered to take it back and bring her out a new one, cooked a little less, and she said “NO this one’s fine I just want you to cook THIS one a little less.” I then had to get the chef and have him explain why you can’t UNCOOK a steak.

When I was working at dunkin donuts there was this woman in the drive-thru who asked for a lightly toasted croissant and then started complaining that the croissant was warm. And wanted her money back, so she gave me the croissant back and I gave her the money and then she tells me “now i want my new croissant” she wanted a new one for free and as she was screaming at me this guy in a biker gang covered in tattoos leans over the counter in the store and yells “ma’am let me just tell you what we’re all thinking. fuck off, you stupid ****.” I couldn’t stop laughing and she drove away in anger.

Most of the people like in the stories above know that they’re being totally irrational, but also know that if they complain enough they’ll most likely get something free or discounted. So really most of the the nonsensical fucks are actually just cheap fucks with no shame or respect for people.

That last bit of commentary though.

Well then…

(Source: 9gag)

322,192 notes

yifferpines:

I’M LAUIGHGING SO HARD FUCKJ

yifferpines:

I’M LAUIGHGING SO HARD FUCKJ

(Source: walpurgisyiff)

26,832 notes

delilahsdawson:

This philosophy applies to SO MUCH. 

Agents want to love your book. Hiring managers want you to be exactly the person they need. The person on the other end of that blind date is hoping beyond hope that you’re their huckleberry.

(Source: dailydormer)

19,390 notes